Dolorous Ett's Bestiary

The only annoying thing about going to China for a month (YAY!!!) is that I'm going to miss A Dance with Dragons, and just by a couple of days. Very vexing - not that I feel Betrayed or anything silly like that, but I've been waiting for years for this, and I'm going to be spending a month dodging spoilers here. 

So, while I can still speculate as well as anyone else, I'd like to hear all your crackpot Song of Ice and Fire theories. To set the ball rolling, here are three of mine:

( Cut for spoilers, even though none of this may ever happen )

Gacked from melusinahp 

Not sure what to make of that. I think I'm pleased. Though in sad, sober reality, the best I can hope for is something like House Tollett, where they only had rats on feast days, and the youngest only got the tail. Or more likely I'd just be a nameless peasant...

On a related fantasy note, I don't know what I've eaten that could have this effect, but my stomach is making noises like you normally only hear when watching Lord of the Rings in a big cinema. No pain, but very noisy. Grrrrrrrrowf!