Dolorous Ett's Bestiary

God, I'm useless. I mean, really, seriously useless. There I was, getting myself all hyped up for Yuletide... and I missed the deadline for application. I didn't even find out it had opened till it was closed, if you know what I mean. OK, there was other stuff going on in my life... but there will always be stuff going on in my life from now on, and I have to get used to it. *kicks self*

Anyway, to divert myself from pointless reproaches, I thought I would just have to see if, with the goodwill of my flist, I can't at least organise a challenge for myself.

Here's the idea - I've put a list of fandoms below the cut, and am hoping some kind readers will offer prompts - even one word will do. I'll try to do as many as I can, though realistically I won't get through them all unless everyone ignores me... 

The fandoms I am offering: 

Cold Comfort Farm
Wilkie Collins - The Moonstone
Wheel of Time
Vorkosigan Saga
Elizabeth Moon - the Serrano books
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
The Archers
Dalziel & Pascoe
Emma's Diary
Charles Stross's Laundry series
Georgette Heyer: The Grand Sophy, Regency Buck
Lindsey Davis's Falco series
The Gruffalo

Odd crossovers are a speciality of the house - the odder the better!

In which a man is savaged by a panda in a Guilin wildlife park, after climbing into its enclosure and trying to cuddle it.

Two years ago, I would have laughed and posted this for its comedy value alone.

But you see, two years ago there was this article about an over-friendly drunk who got mauled for trying to cuddle a panda.

And then last year there was this story (same panda as the 2006 article above, by the way).

You wouldn't expect three incidents of people being mauled by pandas to be easy to find, but it took me about 5 seconds. I suspect I could find others if I dug a bit. In short, there is a definite pattern emerging. I absolutely can't see it myself, but there is plainly something about pandas that makes people want to cuddle them as soon as they've downed a few drinks.

What is the matter with these people? There's been plenty of media coverage, for obvious reasons, but there seems to be an unlimited number of foolhardy animal lovers ready to leap into the enclosure and have a go.

So this is by way of being a public service announcement and general plea for sanity. If you ever feel called upon to cuddle a panda, FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN, DON'T DO IT! I really mean it. I've seen a panda close up when it was in a bad mood, and seriously, they have big claws and big teeth and big, heavy bodies that could crush you, even if they are adorably clumsy-looking most of them time. They aren't even that fluffy - I've stroked one, and the feeling is more like horsehair than anything else.

Go to the souvenir shop and buy something to cuddle there instead, if the urge gets too strong. I really mean it. Pandas are not toys. And they're not even that cute - not when they've got their teeth stuck into your leg, at any rate.

Latest from the Department of Spectacular Idiocy: a village in south-west China decides that it's time for the ugly great scar from the quarry out back to "go green" and misses the point in a fairly major way

The article is in Chinese, but the picture should give you the general idea.

I don' t make a habit of posting just to show a link, but this one cheered me up on a rather grim Monday morning, so I thought I'd share. 

A French theatre company has staged a huge street spectacle in central London, including a giant animatronic elephant lumbering slowly down some really famous street in London and holding up all the traffic. A Guardian journalist wasn't amused - to use his words in his blog entry:

But, then, there is nothing new in the English appetite for freakish sideshows. Remember how Trinculo in The Tempest, encountering what looks like a monstrous man-fish, thinks how it could be profitably exhibited back home? "There," he says, "would this monster make a man. Any strange beast there makes a man. When they will not give a doit to relieve a lame beggar, they will lay out ten to see a dead Indian." Clearly nothing changes. 

This link is to the blog - but make sure you scroll down to read the comments, urging the original poster not to be so po-faced and joyless.  Sentiments with which all Harry Potter fans should concur, I think.