Dolorous Ett's Bestiary

God, I'm useless. I mean, really, seriously useless. There I was, getting myself all hyped up for Yuletide... and I missed the deadline for application. I didn't even find out it had opened till it was closed, if you know what I mean. OK, there was other stuff going on in my life... but there will always be stuff going on in my life from now on, and I have to get used to it. *kicks self*

Anyway, to divert myself from pointless reproaches, I thought I would just have to see if, with the goodwill of my flist, I can't at least organise a challenge for myself.

Here's the idea - I've put a list of fandoms below the cut, and am hoping some kind readers will offer prompts - even one word will do. I'll try to do as many as I can, though realistically I won't get through them all unless everyone ignores me... 

The fandoms I am offering: 

Cold Comfort Farm
Wilkie Collins - The Moonstone
Wheel of Time
Vorkosigan Saga
Elizabeth Moon - the Serrano books
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy
The Archers
Dalziel & Pascoe
Emma's Diary
Charles Stross's Laundry series
Georgette Heyer: The Grand Sophy, Regency Buck
Lindsey Davis's Falco series
The Gruffalo

Odd crossovers are a speciality of the house - the odder the better!

In which a man is savaged by a panda in a Guilin wildlife park, after climbing into its enclosure and trying to cuddle it.

Two years ago, I would have laughed and posted this for its comedy value alone.

But you see, two years ago there was this article about an over-friendly drunk who got mauled for trying to cuddle a panda.

And then last year there was this story (same panda as the 2006 article above, by the way).

You wouldn't expect three incidents of people being mauled by pandas to be easy to find, but it took me about 5 seconds. I suspect I could find others if I dug a bit. In short, there is a definite pattern emerging. I absolutely can't see it myself, but there is plainly something about pandas that makes people want to cuddle them as soon as they've downed a few drinks.

What is the matter with these people? There's been plenty of media coverage, for obvious reasons, but there seems to be an unlimited number of foolhardy animal lovers ready to leap into the enclosure and have a go.

So this is by way of being a public service announcement and general plea for sanity. If you ever feel called upon to cuddle a panda, FOR THE LOVE OF HEAVEN, DON'T DO IT! I really mean it. I've seen a panda close up when it was in a bad mood, and seriously, they have big claws and big teeth and big, heavy bodies that could crush you, even if they are adorably clumsy-looking most of them time. They aren't even that fluffy - I've stroked one, and the feeling is more like horsehair than anything else.

Go to the souvenir shop and buy something to cuddle there instead, if the urge gets too strong. I really mean it. Pandas are not toys. And they're not even that cute - not when they've got their teeth stuck into your leg, at any rate.

It's such a long time now since I posted the first half of the words-and-chickens story I'm writing for the perposterice challenge that it's in danger of sinking without trace. But I'm determined to try and finish it before the New Big Project begins, in spite of all the work and whatnot I've had to do - and despite the fact that the deadline for said challenge fic is long gone. If you're interested, the first half can be found here.

It's taken me a long time to work out what's holding me back, but I've just realised what the problem is - one subplot is a bunch of chickens seized by collective religious mania, and I've really no idea how the chickens would react. That's understandable, of course - still, I reckon I could wing it (if you'll forgive the expression) if I just knew a bit more about chickens. So I would love to know the answers to the following questions:

1. How do roosters fight?
2. Do hens fight too? Under what circumstances? What do they do?
3. How do chickens behave under stress?

If there's anyone who feels able to act as a chickpicker for me, I'd be most grateful.
__________

Other news: I've been to see a film called Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. Have any of you heard of it? It really was quite good. I'm not going to comment on it though - I was very tired after an insanely busy week at work, and I bought a large bag of popcorn, sat back and let it all just wash over me. As a watching strategy it has much to recommend it and I had a lovely time (apart from the sad bits), but it doesn't make for great reviews. If you are fond of such, go to my friends page, where many clever things are being said on the subject.

My next door neighbour is a mind reader. She only throws noisy parties when I am ready to weep with exhaustion and desperate for sleep. But it would be immoral to kill her nonetheless, because Killing is Wrong. Right?