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dolorous_ettThe unbeta'd fragment that is the introduction to a potential Cold Comfort Farm/Twilight crossover fic.
“America?” exclaimed Mrs Smiling in horror. “Bad enough that you should be going to the future, but America? And not even one of the nice parts like New York, where people are civilised and have concerts and dinner parties and things, but the Olympic Peninsula, whatever that is! Really, Flora, you do have the most extraordinary ideas!”
“I’ve told you before,” said Flora, rather pettishly, for the weather was bad, and even the flowers in the window boxes outside in Mouse Place were all but obscured by the December drizzle, “it’s either America or Sussex – all my other relatives are quite out of the question. At least Cousin Charles’ letter was lucid and to the point – that horrid note from Sussex was so grubby. And whatever else may come, I will not have to share a bedroom – the letter was quite unequivocal on that point.”
“But Flora,” protested Mrs Smiling, “this whole thing is so unnecessary! It’s not even like you don’t know anyone in America – why, here’s Gugu on his way out to Wyoming and Biffa’s expedition to Manitoba in search of the Prairie Crocus – I’m sure both of the dear boys would like nothing better than to take you along, just as soon as they’ve finished helping me with my Christmas letters.” Behind her back, Gugu looked up from a pile of envelopes he was addressing and Biffa from the stamps he was dampening with a little glass roller, their tanned, weather-worn faces an identical mixture of frustrated longing for Mrs Smiling and loathing of Flora. “There’s absolutely no need to go to your Cousin Charles – or your great-nephew, or whatever he is – and you then there’s the timeline!” Mrs Smiling continued, “I don’t need to tell you what will happen if you start interfering with the timeline – it will all be so beastly and messy and uncomfortable, and you know the one thing neither you nor I can abide is mess!”
Flora reached over and squeezed her friend’s hand reassuringly.
“You worry too much, Mary,” she said. “Cousin Charles is the Chief of Police or something like that – he sounds like a perfectly sensible, man, and I’m sure he runs an orderly household. The daughter may need taking in hand, to be sure – eighteen is such a difficult age – but I’m sure we will get along splendidly in the end. And if I get bored I can always take up a hobby – collecting folk legends or cliff-diving, whatever that is. I’m sure I will have a perfectly splendid time, and there is always the Portal back to London if things get too much. No – my mind is made up. Tonight I shall treat all three of you to a lovely, civilised dinner at the New River Club, and tomorrow afternoon at three I shall go to the Temporal Terminal at St Pancras and take the 3:55 for Forks. Cousin Charles will meet me at the other end.”
Mrs Smiling, who knew a lost cause when she saw one, gave in gracefully.
“Well, supper will be lovely, of course,” she said, with a sad little smile. “But you will promise me, won’t you, Flora, to wire me at once if there are any of those werewolves or vampires your cousin Charles mentioned, won’t you? Any difficulty or mess – anything uncivilised – anything at all – and I can send Ten to pick you up in his Tardis. It wouldn’t be out of his way in the least.”
Flora laughed, and promised that she would.
Chapter 2 can be found here
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Date: 2009-01-29 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 10:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 08:58 pm (UTC)Ahem. But that's marvellous, I can't wait to see what Flora makes of Cousin Bella (who is, perhaps, a little like Elphine, in some ways?) and the Sparklepires.
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Date: 2009-01-29 10:23 pm (UTC)I can't wait to see what Flora makes of Cousin Bella (who is, perhaps, a little like Elphine, in some ways?)
Actually, I think Alice is more likely to get the Elfine treatment than Bella, with her cropped hear and kooky ways. I have not yet decided if Alice will be allowed to snap and eat Flora...
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Date: 2009-01-29 10:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 10:29 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 10:31 pm (UTC)I do take your point, though.
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Date: 2009-01-29 10:41 pm (UTC)I haven't quite made up my mind about whether Flora gets eaten - at the very least, she gets a good long stay of execution because there are various other bits of Forks I want her to sort out first...
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Date: 2009-01-29 11:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:13 pm (UTC)I should have said Aunt Ada Doom!
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Date: 2009-01-29 11:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 09:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 10:27 pm (UTC)I'm rereading Cold Comfort Farm, and I'd forgotten how good it is! It's also giving me loads of ideas of how Flora could straighten out the nitwits that inhabit the Twillight universe... They really do need someone to sort them out!
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Date: 2009-01-29 10:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-29 11:12 pm (UTC)I feel there should be some way to describe the Temporal Terminal that is all 1930s and futuristic and dated at the same time... for the moment that eludes me, but I'll sleep on it.
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Date: 2009-01-30 12:51 am (UTC)Splendid, splendid, splendid! Definitely looking forward to seeing Flora sort out all that uncivilised vampire and werewolf nonsense. And take that difficult eighteen year old in hand. Or even the daughter. *g*
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Date: 2009-01-30 12:43 pm (UTC)Thank you - I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Reading Cold Comfort Farm at the same time as the Twilight books is a decidedly odd experience, but a rewarding one - it's reminded me how AWESOME Cold Comfort Farm is (and Twilight is not).