Artichokes, anyone? (or Dinner Party From Hell)

[dolorous_ett]

For ages now I've been toying with a fic in which Hermione, having recently become engaged to a member of the pureblood elite, is asked to take part in a dreadful evening at the Malfoys', as her initiation into pureblood society.

The idea is workable. Individual scenes are fine, but they don't fit together properly, and there's a block in the middle that just won't take shape, and I find myself doing the oddest things in order to avoid writing!

I'm tired of ignoring writer's block and hoping it'll go away, and am now just attempting to write the story in any way I can, and hoping it'll sort itself out. So I thought I'd post the first couple of pages, which are in reasonable shape, and hope that someone reads this and feels able to give me some feedback.

By the time she was walking up the carriage drive towards the Great House, Hermione was beginning to wonder what had possessed her to accept an invitation to “a little supper party” at the Malfoys’ in the first place.
She had had to stand outside the gates for over an hour before she even made it to the Great House, waiting, shivering as dew seeped into the hem of her expensive velvet evening gown, and her carefully styled hair reverted to its usual sorry frizz in the evening damp, while the servants and master of the house disarmed the anti-Muggle wards on the borders of the Malfoy property. 
Her  hosts had been most solicitous and apologetic. Pansy had come rushing within minutes of the first roar of energy, a train of House Elves in her wake, laden with shooting sticks, rugs and hot chocolate laced with rum. “Darling, so sorry, how mortifying!… Such a nightmare… we just never thought… so careless – quite saw you as one of us!” as unholy energies crackled and dissipated harmlessly in the dark. “Thank heavens for your curse-breaking skills – I’ll never say a word against women’s libbers again! – you could have been killed!”
 
The last time they had met face to face had been the day they left Hogwarts. Pansy’s mother had been sent to Azkaban after Voldemort’s defeat a month before their finals, and she had done very badly in her NEWTs as a result. Hermione’s clumsy attempts at commiseration had been very badly received.
A girl of Pansy’s background was generally expected to marry straight out of Hogwarts, and with such poor NEWT results, no other options had been open to her. Narcissa Malfoy’s health had been failing since Lucius had been sent to Azkaban, and at Voldemort’s defeat she had crumbled – with both Pansy’s parents now in Azkaban and Narcissa unable to cope with the household, an early marriage had seemed the only logical step. The last Hermione had seen of Pansy was a bridal photograph in the Daily Prophet from which she had waved, smiling demurely, on Draco’s arm.
 While Pansy was perfecting her social and housekeeping skills, Hermione had spent the past four years in Nubia, working as Gringotts’ youngest ever accelerated-entry trainee curse-breaker. With Voldemort out of the way, she was now free to take up the job she had always secretly dreamed of, where pursuit of knowledge of long-lost cultures went hand in hand with adventure and hard cash.
There, she had met Geraint Rodway, handsome only child of the Hampshire Rodways: thirty years old, Level Three curse-breaker, tall and tanned, with a shock of floppy blond hair, a flashing white smile and a cut-glass accent. It had not been love at first sight. Hermione had despised Geraint as an upper class twit who owed his career to friends in high places, while he had made no secret of the fact that he found her shrill, pushy and far, far too serious. That is, until a booby-trapped secret tunnel was discovered in the notoriously tricky Pyramid of Eternal Torment, and Hermione and Geraint were sent together to deal with it.
It had proved more than their masters had bargained for. Two months had passed and Hermione and Geraint had been given up for dead by the time they emerged, racked and twitching with curses, skeletally thin and covered in weeping sores – but with the fabled Scarab of Doom in Hermione’s backpack, together with a score of lesser artefacts. While trapped in the pyramid, they had obviously managed to come to some form of understanding: from then on they were inseparable, and the engagement had been announced a mere month after that.
So when Hermione had a fortnight’s home leave, it was only natural for Geraint to ask Cousin Pansy to introduce Hermione to polite Pureblood society. “You’ll be moving in these circles when I’m promoted back to London – better get used to it now,” he had said, and Hermione, delighted at the prospect of meeting Geraint’s childhood friends, had been happy to agree.
The day after she arrived at her parents’ house in Bicester, a little gilt supper invitation from Pansy Malfoy had arrived, clasped in the talons of a haughty, well-groomed eagle owl. Her father, an enthusiastic member of the RSPB, had been in raptures over the creature, which had hissed and snapped at his fingers before leaving through the kitchen window with a contemptuous swoosh.
 
***
 
Once the Muggle-repelling charms had been properly neutralised, Pansy led Hermione through marble halls to an antechamber where drinks were being served.
“Here at last, my love!” Pansy cooed at her husband.
“Well – what are we waiting for?” came an impatient voice. “Let’s eat! Dining Hall, isn’t it?”
“No, darling,” said Pansy. “I thought – since Ceridwen and Urgulanilla are indisposed and the Ponsonbys cancelled – so cold and empty at this time of year – the Winter Breakfast Room… there’s a lovely, roaring fire…”
“Fine, splendid, whatever. Let’s get a move on, please! Crabbe here’s going mad with hunger – don’t want him breaking up the furniture now, do we?”
The bulky figure of Vincent Crabbe, looking uncomfortable in itchy Harris tweed dress robes, sidled through the door, acknowledged Hermione with a clumsy bow, and lumbered off determinedly in the direction of the food. After him came Blaise Zabini, whom Hermione vaguely remembered from school, a slim, elegant young man with laughing dark eyes, which he rolled at Draco as he passed.
There were going to be six of them, it appeared: Hermione, the Malfoys, Crabbe, Blaise Zabini and Professor Snape. As they proceeded down the hall, Hermione noticed that she and Pansy were the only two women there.
 
***
 
They sat down to supper in a cosy, wood-panelled room, with a view of empty November flowerbeds, a park, and beyond that, dark and rather sinister woods. There was indeed a fine fire in the grate, and what had probably been ancestral portraits lining the walls, but these now only featured hurriedly deserted background scenes. Was it Hermione’s imagination, or could she hear scandalised whispers of “Mudblood!” coming from the empty frames?

If anyone's interested in what high society eats at these affairs, I've put the evening's menu behind the next cut

Turtle soup

Devilled badger's brains

Larks' tongues on a bed of lightly blanched Devil's Snare

Roast haunch of young Hippogriff with vegetables of the season

Mahogany-smoked vipers with oatcakes and aubergine chutney

Peacock in its feathers

Pumpkin and nasturtium sorbet

Aggressive Artichoke

Coffee and sweetmeats for the ladies
Port and cigars for the gentlemen

Comments

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

Oh good, you finally started posting it! I'm looking forward to meeting the Aggressive Artichoke at last :)

Since you asked for feedback, it might be a good idea to fill in a bit more backstory on what (if anything) has happened to soften relations between Hermione and Pansy in the interim -- otherwise it seems a bit odd that she'd even think about accepting a dinner invitation from Pansy, fiance's cousin or not.

Love love love the name "Urgulanilla." Is that a real name?

[dazzleberry.livejournal.com]

I really like the idea. It's one I've tossed around myself, actually-- kind of a Pygmalion take on it.

I love the fact that her 'welcome' includes having to wait outside in the rain while the Muggle repelling wards are disabled. That just sets up the evening as a disaster. The menu you have here is hysterical.

If I were writing, I'd probably take the narrative explanation of how she came to be there-- the explanation of Geraint and her job-- and either make that a prologue or (more likely) a conversation here. ie, Blaise might ask 'and how did you two meet?' or something to that effect. That's personal preference on my part, and a general disinclination towards paragraphs of narrative that explain the premise of the fic. I don't think it reads poorly the way you have it, though, and even my short attention span stayed with it ;)

I like how the portraits are scandalized, and I find myself hoping that the dinner guests are going to be equally scandalized.

I did find myself wondering what Snape was doing there. He seems rather out-of-place with rest of the guest list.

Anyway, </my two knuts>

Looks like an interesting story you have shaping up!

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

I'm looking forward to meeting the Aggressive Artichoke at last :)

You actually remember the Aggressive Artichoke? As I recall, you made some pretty helpful comments when I was asking for help on Fiction Alley - but I honestly didn't expect anyone to remember it after all this time.

...it might be a good idea to fill in a bit more backstory on what (if anything) has happened to soften relations between Hermione and Pansy in the interim -- otherwise it seems a bit odd that she'd even think about accepting a dinner invitation from Pansy, fiance's cousin or not.

You could have a point there. I was starting from the premise that the Malfoys have lost a lot of influence and respect due to their highly unpleasant politics, and so they have to be grateful for any semi-respectable friend they can get. It also goes some way to explain why they've ended up inviting the thoroughly unglamorous Crabbe and Snape.

As to why Hermione so meekly accepts an invitation without question... well, my idea was that she is so soddenly in love with her dashing upper-class fiance (not to mention in love with the idea of being in love, and the whole romantic-novel scenario in which she's found herself) that she really isn't thinking straight, and her normal taste and discretion have rather take a back seat to True Lurve. Perhaps I need to bring that out a bit more - will consider this when I'm doing a redraft.

Love love love the name "Urgulanilla." Is that a real name?

Glad you approve!

Yes, Urgulanilla is a real name - I lifted it from I, Claudius by Robert Graves, which is a fantastic source for poncey pureblood names, as well as a really entertaining slice of Roman history.

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your comments - food for thought there.

If I were writing, I'd probably take the narrative explanation of how she came to be there-- the explanation of Geraint and her job-- and either make that a prologue or (more likely) a conversation here. ie, Blaise might ask 'and how did you two meet?' or something to that effect. That's personal preference on my part, and a general disinclination towards paragraphs of narrative that explain the premise of the fic.

I can see where you're coming from - but I absolutely didn't want the romance to dominate the main story - not in this one anyway. There's certainly a story there, but not one that fits in this fic, so I wanted it out of the way as soon as possible. The fic I'm writing is about social embarrassment and being out of place, not raptures of young love. I also have a tendency to waffle, especially in dialogues, which I'm desperately trying to avoid, so I suppose you see my own personal preferences coming into play here!

I did find myself wondering what Snape was doing there. He seems rather out-of-place with rest of the guest list.

A good point. I'll admit that this is partly self-indulgence. I wanted to have Snape there because I've thought of a few choice humiliations for him in the course of the evening, and because he has a talent for voicing unpleasant truths. Inasmuch as I'd considered the matter, my thoughts were that a) Pansy has attempted to invite guests Hermione might actually have met b) Snape's under something of a cloud himself, and may even be glad of a bit of company and a free dinner. By the time the story's finished, this might all seem a bit clearer - if not, I'm going to have to do something about it.

[lareinenoire.livejournal.com]

I actually think Snape is a valid dinner guest. Pureblood (at least so far as we're aware) and the head of Slytherin House, not to mention previous connections implied between him and the Malfoys. So I think you're quite alright there.

Love the setup so far, but as previous posters have already said, I think we need a bit more background. I, personally, want to know more about Geraint! Who is he that Hermione's willing to tolerate the Malfoys for him?

The menu is great. Love it. And poor Hermione needing to stand out in the rain whilst waiting for Muggle-repelling charms. Classic. Really.

I look forward to reading more!

[hannahmarder.livejournal.com]

You've already had some great advice, so there's not much I can add. I like your writing style and I think the story has great potential (and the menu is brilliant). Like everyone else, I think there could be a bit more explanation of how Hermione has come to accept a dinner invitation from two of her arch-enemies at school. The reason you give in your comment above (about her being in love) is perfectly plausible, just work it into the fic somehow.

The other thing that might be good to include would be what became of Harry and Ron. Whenever I read a post-Hogwarts fic, my first question is always 'did Harry survive?' followed by 'did Ron survive?' Just a line or two briefly saying whether they're still around or not and maybe what they're doing would be enough. It may just be me though!

Anyway, it's a great story and I look forward to reading more!

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Thank you for your thoughts - not least your endorsement of Snape - I've got used to having him around in this story.

I think we need a bit more background. I, personally, want to know more about Geraint! Who is he that Hermione's willing to tolerate the Malfoys for him?

Well, since everyone who's commented feels that backstory is so important, I suppose I'll have to do something about it, though I don't intend to add much, and that will probably be in tiny snippets here and there, rather than a big chunk. I'm aiming for hints, rather than explanation of everything.

As to Geraint, since it appears to be necessary, I can put a bit more of him in - it'll fit in nicely to Hermione's postmortem of the dinner - although it's still not going to be all I know about him, by any means.

I suppose I could write a rather camp, swashbuckling adventure tale of their time in the pyramid and how they fell in love... but that's another story altogether! Geraint Rodway and the Temple of Doom, anyone?

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

I can't think of anything more intelligent to add on the subject of Geraint, except I seem to like him less and less as I write the story, which is odd as he isn't even present. Anyway, comments noted, and I'm working on it.

Glad you liked the menu, by the way. It was quite an intellectual challenge, creating combinations of normally inedible things that might actually taste OK. You can blame my time in China for that - once you've eaten toad-and-snake-soup and enjoyed it, it gives you a whole new perspective on what can be thought of as dinner!

The other thing that might be good to include would be what became of Harry and Ron.

Ah, now this I have in hand. While I've got no intention of providing a detailed story of what's happened to either of them, both get a mention, and it's clear that they are in regular contact with Hermione. The only reason you haven't seen yet is that those parts are in the middle portion of the fic, which I haven't got polished to my satisfaction.

Whenever I read a post-Hogwarts fic, my first question is always 'did Harry survive?' followed by 'did Ron survive?'

You've got a very good point there - I can think of several stories where Hermione is a few years out of Hogwarts and her two best friends ever have secretly vanished off the face of the earth, with no explanation. Not plausible!

[a-t-rain.livejournal.com]

You actually remember the Aggressive Artichoke? As I recall, you made some pretty helpful comments when I was asking for help on Fiction Alley - but I honestly didn't expect anyone to remember it after all this time.

Of course I remember the Aggressive Artichoke! That is a seriously memorable mental image (and, of course, it helps that I come from an artichoke-worshipping sort of family).