Fanfic stuff, for a change.

[dolorous_ett]

This was going to be a serious China entry, but I'm just not in the mood. So instead I've wasted ages doing the 12-name meme that was doing the rounds a while back.

1. Grawp
2. Pomona Sprout
3. Luna Lovegood
4. Firenze
5. Cornelius Fudge
6. Cho Chang
7. Hermione Granger
8. Severus Snape
9. Arthur Weasley
10. Molly Weasley
11. Romilda Vane
12. Colin Creevey

1. Have you ever read a Six/Eleven fic? Do you want to?

Cho Chang/Romilda?
No… I’d think about reading one, though it doesn’t really float my boat, if only because it would be a sign that Cho was allowed to stand up and be interesting again, instead of being a punchbag for outraged fangirls the world over.

 

2.Do you think Four is hot? How hot?
Firenze? Not my cup of tea
50% hot, of course. The other 50% is horse.

 

3. What would happen if Twelve got Eight pregnant?
Colin/Snape?
I would be very, very surprised, to begin with. And so would everyone else – except Luna, who saw it coming a mile off. But who listens to Luna?
Snape gets the sack for interfering with a student, and winds up in Knockturn Alley, destitute, barefoot and pregnant. On the point of death, he has a vision of Merope Riddle, urging him to get up and face life for the sake of the unborn child, and make his fate different from hers. In the end he gets up just to get away from the whining ninny, as he later puts it. He has the baby, alone, in the back seat of a Muggle arts cinema that is showing the Rocky Horror Picture Show, and so the incident passes without comment.
The baby – whom Snape names Colleen in the hope of luring Colin back to him, a ploy which ultimately fails as Colin is really more interested in girls - turns out to be a happy mixture of the best sides of both families, with a gift for creative magical ice-cream making that is nothing short of uncanny. When she’s old enough she takes over Fortescue’s. When the weather’s good, she wheels her old Dad out into the sunshine with a sundae, where he sits and makes bitter remarks about passers by.

 

4.Can you rec any fic(s) about Nine?
Arthur Weasley
Nope. Though I’m sure they exist, and would be interested to hear about them.

 

5.Would Two and Six make a good couple?
Sprout/Chang
Not obviously – but we’re a little short on data. Though to be honest they don’t inspire me to make anything up.

 

6.Five/Nine or Five/Ten? Why?
Fudge/Arthur Weasley or Arthur/Molly?
The latter.
Because JKR says so. Percy, however, is another tale…

 

7. What would happen if Seven walked in on Two and Twelve having sex?
Hermione on Colin and Sprout
She would immediately report them to the Board of Governors.
Gets about a bit, our Colin, doesn’t he?

 

8. Make up a summary for a Three/Ten fic.
Luna/Molly Weasley
Title: An Ideal Wife
Percy seems incapable of landing himself a wife, and Luna needs to get married urgently (why? Who cares – this is so not going to happen) because of a curse that will kill her if she is still unwed on her 20th birthday. Molly is shocked at Luna’s lack of social and domestic skills, and decides to take her under her wing and knock her into some kind of shape. As they start to spend more time together and Luna blossoms under her tender hands, Molly is racked with doubts – does she want Luna for Percy or for herself?

 

9.Is there any such thing as One/Eight fluff?
Grawp/Snape
Fat chance. Snape is an unhygenic, cantankerous murderer. But that wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t for Grawp. No-one likes Grawp (except me) so there is no Grawp fluff.

 

10.Suggest a title for a Seven/Twelve hurt/comfort fic.
Hermione/Colin
The Camera Never Lies?

 

11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted Four to deflower One?
Grawp/Firenze.
I do not want Firenze to deflower Grawp. Ever. Shame on you for even suggesting such a thing.

 

12.Does anyone on your friends list read Seven slash?
Hermione
No idea. Probably. There’s a fair bit about.

 

13. Does anyone on your friends list read Three het?
Luna
Yes

 

14.Does anyone on your friends list write or draw Eleven?
Romilda
Not yet, though I suspect it’s only a matter of time

 

15. Would anyone on your friends list write Two/Four/Five?
Sprout/Fudge/Firenze?
If they do, I hope they have the decency to keep it to themselves.

 

16.What might Ten scream at a moment of great passion?
Molly Weasley
She screams a fair bit. Would depend on what was upsetting her.

 

17.If you wrote a song-fic about Eight, which song would you choose?
If I wrote a songfic about Snape, he would hunt me down and kill me like a dog. And it would serve me right.
One of Nick Cave or Leonard Cohen’s less jaunty and frivolous numbers, I suspect.

 

18.If you wrote a One/Six/Twelve fic, what would the warnings be?
Grawp/Cho/Colin
Well, I’ve already written a Grawp, Luna, Colin friendship fic, so that’s not as weird as it sounds.
What would I label it?
Warning: No sex.

 

19.What might be a good pick-up line for Two to use on Ten?
Molly Weasley/Sprout
Would you like to come upstairs and listen to my Celestina Warbeck records? I’m brewing up a cauldron of hot, strong love tonight…

 

20.When was the last time you read a fic about Five?
Fudge
Whenever it was I last read “Jewel-Bright” by one Pavonis.

 

21.What is Six's super-sekrit kink?
Cho Chang
Don’t know. Don’t care. A foot fetish, perhaps?

 

22.Would Eleven shag Nine? Drunk or sober?
Romilda Vane/Arthur Weasley
I bloody well hope not. He’s old enough to be her dad, and married besides.

 

23. If Three and Seven get together, who tops?
Luna/Hermione
Hermione. She really cares about such things, whereas it makes no difference to Luna, who simply doesn’t see life in those terms.

 

24."One and Nine are in a happy relationship until Nine suddenly runs off with Four. One, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Eleven and a brief unhappy affair with Twelve, then follows the wise advice of Five and finds true love with Three."

 

What title would you give this fic? Name three people on your friends list who might read it. Name one person who should write it.

 

"Grawp and Arthur Weasley are in a happy relationship until Arthur suddenly runs off with Firenze. Grawp, broken-hearted, has a hot one-night stand with Romilda Vane and a brief unhappy affair with Colin Creevey, then follows the wise advice of Cornelius Fudge and finds true love with Luna Lovegood."

 

a) The Man who Thought he was Hagrid
b) Several members of my f-list have expressed an interest in Grawpfics, but I like to think there are limits…
c) Any one of them could come up with something much better than this.

 

25.How would you feel if Seven/Eight was canon?
Pleased – HG/SS is one of my guilty pleasures. But I don’t think JKR would be very pleased at all.

Other news: I'm still trying to finish my Valhalla Snapefic. Just this once, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt, and continue to write him as a decent man who gets all the unpleasant jobs, though I'm far from convinced that he deserves it after HBP. Still, I've started, so I'll finish. Will hopefully post in a day or two.

Finally, if anyone is in the mood for a deliriously wonderful orgy of silliness, visit http://www.livejournal.com/community/perposterice/ and pick up a batshit insane summary to write a story about. There's a fine selection there that should appeal to all tastes. You know you want to...