dolorous_ett | A Good Fun Game: My Personal Canon

The Potterverse:

Hagrid

ST-Enterprise

Archer

Rubeus Hagrid:
1. Chose quite deliberately not to lose his accent - he tried breifly as a youth and discovered that talking like Lucius Malfoy caused people to treat him with much greater suspicion and hostility.

2. Was saved from death in the final battle by Severus Snape, who threw himself in front of the Avada Kedavera bolt that was going to hit him. Hagrid ended up leading the final charge that broke the Death Eater line.

3. Is the last person to have seen the Eagle of the Ninth with his own eyes.

Jonathan Archer
1. Does so not keep hardbound editions of the classics on his bookshelves. What look like editions of the classics actually contain his lovingly bound and remarkable comprehensive pornography collection.

2. Is secretly terrified of Malcolm Reed, whose accent is identical to a much-feared nursery school teacher.

3. Is mentioned in the Guiness Book of Intersolar Records as being the first (and only) human ever to cause a Vulcan to facepalm in public.

Hagrid ended up leading the final charge that broke the Death Eater line.

I'd love to see this happen in canon. I'd like it even more if Hagrid survived.

The Archer ones had me rolling about on the floor laughing - especially the pornography collection and the facepalming Vulcan!

MM

Draco. :D

Draco

1. Doesn't really like Crabbe or Goyle - but his parents would only agree to send him to Hogwarts if he had a bodyguard. He doesn't quite have the nerve to stand up to his parents and just ask them to stop following him, but has been trying for years to drive them away with cutting remarks. Unfortunately, they have yet to notice.

2. Is terrified of chickens and all other forms of poultry. His fear of the Hippogriff was perfectly genuine.

3. Has been engaged to Pansy since they were both in nappies, but finds this arrangement a lot more satisfactory than his friendship with Crabbe and Goyle. He knows that when they marry she will steer him in the right direction, which will save him having to make any critical decisions for himself, ever. He rather likes this idea. (all this was before that Little Moment with Dumbledore, obviously)

All entirely plausible. I'd respect him a lot more if that was true about Crabbe and Goyle. Thanks, lovely!

Aunt Petunia

1. The one true love of Petunia's life was Remus Lupin, who she met at a party at her sisters. Lily told her Remus was gay and living with Sirius, and by the time Remus was in any condition to put her straight, she had taken up with Vernon Dursley.

2. She drives a little blue runabout, which she deliberately chose as being to small to accomodate Dudley's bulk in anything like comfort. When he wants to go out in the car he has to take Vernon's volvo.

3. She has run up considerable debts at mah-jong.

1. I so love that story of yours.

I think "My Eyes Are Dim" was the first story I read. It's such a good theory. And I like the thoroughly sensible one about the little blue car - it's similar to my thinking when as a temp I made sure I avoided making tea.

Sorry to keep using this icon, but this was the mood I found myself in after visiting the Wolfstar shipping thread in FA - I set out determined to show that crass assumptions that closeness automatically equals sex can be highly damaging and Wolfstar ruins lives... So I'm glad it made an impression!

As to the temping-tea thing, I was told by several people when I was at university that I should never learn to type or I would end up a secretary all my life.

Tom Riddle/Voldemort

Because no one can accuse him of being overdeveloped.

1. Abraxas Malfoy was his fag at Hogwarts, and he (Abraxas) was terrified of him - he has never quite been able to hide his concern at Lucius's choices in life.

2. He is colour blind, and very embarrassed about it. He will Avada Kedavera on the spot anyone who so much as suggests that he can't tell the difference between red and green.

3. Bellatrix Lestrange makes very uneasy - he considers her continual fangirling to be more than a little creepy.

I would love it if number 2 were true. Absolutely love it.

Your Abraxas sounds interesting.

Number 3 probably is true. Even vain ol'Voldie must have a limit to the amount of worship Bella can throw at him, before he starts getting unnerved. And it's not like he can complain either: "Well, yes, fantacism is all well and good, but for the next war I think what we need is a little more self-seeking pragmatism, a little less blind adoration, don't you think?"

Sorry - I'm not doing too well with the typing, am I?

If I was a Riddle-fic writer I would definitely put in the colour-blind thing - it was one of those daft ideas I had that stuck somehow - but as my entire Riddle output to date consists of one drabble and I have no intention of writing more, it's hard to see what I could ever do with it.

The drabble is also where I get the idea of Abraxas Malfoy from. It isn't as good as your Riddlefic, which is genuinely scary, but here's the link if you're interested.

http://dolorous-ett.livejournal.com/39434.html

Luna Lovegood

1. The name of Luna and her father's house is Random House. There is a printing press in the basement, and there is a constant parade of wierd and wonderful people and beings in and out with piles of manuscript.

2. Luna could read and write Ancient Runes as early as she could English. Her father thought that if she was to have a hope of understanding the Mysteries of the Ancients she would have to read original documents, as the language loses so much in translation.

3. Luna grows up to be a sort of Wizarding Jane Goodall, running a Snorkack Sanctuary in the far north of Norway. She is the only person ever to have observed the Mating Ritual of the Frilled Snorkack. She has a vague long-distance relationship with Colin Creevey which makes both of them very happy, though Molly Weasley finds it a bit too unconventional.

Hermione Granger

Malcolm Reid.

Hermione Granger

1. Hermione's parents live in a bungalow in Bicester. I picked the name because it just seemed right that her home town should be hard to spell!

2. After Hogwarts, she becomes a curse breaker - even though she knows there are ethical issues surrounding tomb robbery, it's the only way she can make any real use of her Ancient Runes without being tied to a desk job. The money doesn't hurt either.

3. (in my version of my canon that has Snape survive the war) they have a peculiar and very uncomfortable connection that involves being ostentatiously cleverer than anyone else around them, which leaves them unsatisfied with their current partners but too terrified of the other to actually make a move. No good can possibly come of this.

Malcolm Reid

1. Keeps a small notebook in which he notes all of Archer's derelictions. He hasn't made up his mind whether to publish it and make his fortune or merely use it to further his own career - but either way it's dynamite.

2. Is far too fond of explosions for his own good. Seriously considered a career as a firework maker before being persuaded - by threat of disinheritance - to join some branch of the armed forces. The coldness between him and his parents has nothing to do with him joining the navy, but more to do with his having once considered going into trade. The fact that he blew up their prize rockery (taking it for a Ravenous Silicon Beast) with a hand grenade on his last home leave has done nothing to endear him either.

3. Is something of a renaissance man, with by far the widest set of hobbies on the Enterprise. As well as being an accomplished cricketer and a keen birdwatcher (despite the need for quiet and lack of explosions this entails), he is also an accomplished player on the tenor viol, and writes racy Regency romances under the pen-name of Eulalia Ripper.

I love both of these. Reed (2), in particular, is obviously true....

And Eualia Ripper may very well be the perfect name for an author of regency bodice rippers....

Peter Pettigrew.

Ooooh, this is difficult! I hardly have any thoughts about Peter - generally speaking I think JKR has covered all the bases. Still, I'll give it my best shot!

1. When Lily Potter managed to accidentally scupper Petunia's one true chance at happiness by telling her that Remus was Sirius's lover and hence unavailable - they were so close and shared a flat, it had to be true, right? - she also got Remus very worried about whether Sirius liked him That Way. Left to their own devices, Sirius and Remus would have talked it over, had a good laugh and got back to being good friends. As it was, Peter saw the chance to drive a wedge between them, and used it - they remained on edge and suspicious of the other's odd behaviour until Sirius was arrested.

2. Peter has a dryly ironical sense of humour - which is what keeps him from going completely mad as he is forced to serve one unpleasant character after another.

3. Every time Snape makes Peter get him a cup of tea, he spits in it.

2. Peter has a dryly ironical sense of humour - which is what keeps him from going completely mad as he is forced to serve one unpleasant character after another.

3. Every time Snape makes Peter get him a cup of tea, he spits in it.

I love these. He'd pretty much have to, in both cases.

Luna's mother.

This one's going to be a struggle! Here goes...

1. Luna's mum used to read Bellatrix Potter stories to her when she was little.

2. She actually got on much better with the local Muggles than Arthur Weasley did - Arthur used to stare, whereas she was so lost in her own world that she just took all the non-magical stuff in her stride. They assumed she was an academic of some sort at the local university.

3. Luna was going to be called something absolutely unpronouncable in Goblin, but her mother thought it would be too much to saddle a small child with, so the Goblin name became her middle name.

the Goblin name became her middle name.

Heh, I hope she spared her daughter the same indignity. Thanks!

Please. Special points for artichoke involvement in yr answers.

A lot of my Remus stories have found their way into other people's requests, leaving me without a lot new to say. Let's see...

1. After reading

gunderpants's stories, I'm convinced that there's something rather seedy about Lupin - he drinks too much, is scruffy and just has a tendency to let himself go a bit. In him, I find it more appealing than otherwise.

2. He brought the "Grindylow tank" to Hogwarts in the hope that he could use it as an Aggressive Artichoke vivarium. Unfortunately the Board of Governers considered artichokes too dangerous to be kept in offices, so the Artichokes were banished to the greenhouse, where they got into some very nasty fights with the Swiss Army Cheese Plants. Remus had to make do with Grindylows.

3. He is genuinely very fond of Tonks, and although a part of him will always pine for Petunia Evans, he has thought very seriously about settling down with her when this is all over. Unfortunately, he is genuinely embarrassed about the age gap - thinks it makes him look like a dirty old man.

Sirius Black. Just because. ;)

Sirius Black... not a big part of my mental furniture, but I do have a thought or two...

1. Sirius is charming and very physically affectionate, but not always observant or tactful, and has a tendency to think before he speaks.

2. While Sirius would never have to work for a living unless he wanted to, when his parents first threw him out and the flame of Socialism burned hot in his breast (needless to say, that didn't last), he decided that he was going to embark on a life of honest toil to irritate his parents. Professor Sprout got him a job as materinity cover in a magical market garden, where he stayed for some time. His boasts about being a Son of the Soil and an Honest Working Man drove Remus and Peter (both of whom actually had to keep body and soul together) round the twist.

3. When he was small, Sirius bore a striking ressemblence to the infant Draco Malfoy.

Hee! I *love* Socialist!Sirius. And looking like Draco is classic.

Sorry - last line of part two should be "to work to keep body and soul together"!

... and 1. should be that he speaks before he thinks, not that he thinks before he speaks!

(I think I should go to bed or something. I can feel my brain starting to melt and dribble out of my ears).

Hedwig.

and/or

Comm officer on the Enterprise (and why I can't remember her name is embarrassing but painfully true...)

I find I have rather conflicting ideas of these two. Still, here goes!

Hedwig

1. Is a Horcrux!

2. Was confined to her cage because on Aunt Marge's last visit she swooshed down on Ripper the bulldog and carried him away in her claws!

3. Will have some small but vital part to play, for good or ill, before the end of Book 7.

Ensign Hoshi Sato (for it is she) is another very confusing character - in Season 4 she suddenly goes from being a flustered bundle of neuroses to being someone who is a kick-ass martial arts expert and mean hand at poker. (I think this is down to Linda Park, the actress, who has had quite a lot of fight training and appears to be aiming for a more glamorous role than poor Hoshi, judging by all the Gratuitous Bikini publicity photos). This makes it rather hard to get fanon to her. But a few ideas for now:

1. Has never forgiven T'pol for breaking the First Law of Linguists, and not letting Hoshi practise her Vulcan.

2. In fact, Hoshi doesn't really like any of the senior officers, though she enjoys the occasional eyeroll with Reid at the idiocy of some of their seniors. She is far more comfortable with the other ensigns, who worship her because of her uncannily lifelike immitations of their senior officers.

3. Though naturally timid and weak, Hoshi has always secretly fantasised about being a kick-ass martial artist and a mean hand at poker. Sometimes in times of stress her fantasy "twin" seems so real it's almost like she's there. Hoshi wonders if this is normal. Should she see someone about this?

I love your take on Hoshi. I hope never to forget her name now. :) I haven't seen any of those photos, but then I haven't been paying attention to poor Enterprise reruns either. Alas!

Ah, that's right. Horcrux!Hedwig Turns the Tables and Wins the War. Hopefully the Horcrux part of Hedwig can be coughed up in an owl ball, leaving our lovable yet apparently somewhat dangerous owl intact.

Severus Snape.

Snape - there are two seperate canons for two seperate stories - you can blame "The Half-Blood Prince" for that! You can take your pick:

1. Snape survived the war, and got engaged to a pureblood heiress of some distinction. She ditched him for Stan Shunpike. This affected his temper so much more than usual that he was suspended from Hogwarts for going for Flitwick with a poker. At a vile dinner party held by Pansy Malfoy to welcome Hermione Granger into pureblood life as she celebrated her engagement to a pureblood of good family. Due to the awfulness of the evening, Snape drank far more than he should, and his parting words to Hermione sowed horrible seeds of doubt in her mind that effectively scuppered the engagement. Should she be grateful? Hard to say.

2. Snape died by leaping in front of an Avada Kedavera meant for Hagrid. The Valkyrie who had come to take Hagrid to the Giants' Hall of Heroes took Snape by mistake. Once he had got over his surprise (not to mention naked terror) at being surrounded by Giants, he decided (having reviewed the alternative afterlives, one being soppy, the other being vilely snobbish) that the Hall of Heroes suited him best and that he would stay. He was made warmly welcome by the Giants, who admire honour, bravery and viciousness and don't expect people to be nice.

HP: Pansy Parkinson

ST-TOS: Dr. McCoy

I'm afraid I'm going to have to pass on McCoy - I'm sorry to say that I've only seen a couple of episodes of TOS, and that a long time ago! I'll do another HP character if you feel you've been short-changed, though.

Pansy Parkinson

1. Her elder sister is called Poinsettia, and her elder brothers Eglamore (nice) and Pellinore (nasty).

2. She remains conventional and a bit irritating to the end of her days, but she does mellow a bit after she grows up. And she keeps Draco's worst excesses in check once they are married, which is practically a full-time job.

3. The reason she always shrieks out about how so-and-so is so-and-so's girlfriend is that, having been betrothed to Draco Malfoy practically at birth, she's fascinated by the whole process of having to find your life's partner yourself, as she knows it's never going to happen to her.

Millicent Bulstrode
::is curious to see how the Squib difficulties have resolved themselves!::

1. My first vision of Millicent was that she was the lovechild of the last Bulstrode daughter and Bellatrix Lestrange's husband (after he had married Bellatrix). There being no other Bulstrodes to look after, she was raised by the family Squibs, who had been kept about solely to educate the young and were rather glad that there was one last member of the line to raise. It also kept Millicent out of the public eye - a fact that worked very much to her advantage when Bellatrix got out of Azkaban. Millicent was one of those very physical children who're always climbing things and making a noise, which was a bit of a trial to the Squibs, who would rather have taught her the harpsichord and the use of the globes.

Put like that, it doesn't sound such a bad idea. But I'm glad it was canon-thwapped - the way I wrote her she turned into a bit of a Millie Sue, and she deserves better!

2. Millicent works for the DHS in Birmingham. It suits her admirably because she enjoying playing things by the book and hates improvising. Also she scares the clients.

3. She is seriously considering getting a cat from the RSPCA to replace Montague, but she can't quite bring herself to do it. Vincent Crabbe has offered her an owl fledgling at less than cost price, but as she points out, you can't really keep an owl in a bungalow in Birmingham without arousing comment - something she is very keen to avoid.

Oh my! I'm a total stranger (arrived here because I've seen you commenting on Crystal's journal and really liked your icon) but I must say I had a ball reading all your answers concering HP characters!
Well done, really!

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Drop by any time!

Your icon is lovely too!

A Good Fun Game: My Personal Canon

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reposted without typos!

Re: reposted without typos!

I can see everything twice!

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Remus.

Re: Remus.

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Typo 2 - this is stupid.

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