Wanted: Info on America and some people to snub Blaise Zabini

[dolorous_ett]

Because I am a Quixotic masochist who really doesn't know when to take a break, I'm trying to work up a response to the omniocular Post-War Challenge. It's going to have to be quick and dirty because I'm very busy, but what the hell...

For this story I need two things.

First, whereabouts in the US is a good place to situate the ranch of a wealthy Wizarding landowner? It needs to be somewhere with a lot of space - somewhere with bison for preference, though these are optional.

Second, I need some walk-on characters to snub Blaise Zabini in a pub. I already have Hagrid, Crabbe and his wife, Eloise Midgeon and possibly Colin Dennis Creevey (changed at the request of synaesthete7) lined up for this - but the tables are large in the Leaky Cauldron, and I think it'll take quite a lot of quiet disapproval for Blaise to cotton on...

Just leave a message saying which canon character (preferably one who might plausibly be still alive post-war) you'd like to do the snubbing, and I'll do my best to accomodate. Thanks!

Comments

[fungus-files.livejournal.com]

Because he'd very likely be alive post-War, and because he'd very likely be in a pub: Stan Shunpike.

Now, I'll bet you're surprised...

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

OMG (lapses into netspeak due to excitement) I have a fantastic role for Stan - War Hero!Stan...

Brilliant! Thanks!

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

Off topic

Hey you sinologist...
wonna join forces and write a 'Mulan' spork?

Yes, I just watched it and went *headdesk* *headdesK*

No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Depends... does that mean I have to watch it again?

It's dreadful, though. I mean, she even hugs the Emperor!!!! And walks out alive!!!

When it first came out, one commentator said that Mulan's face was like a pizza - you might be experiencing it in China, but it's completely overtaken by Western misconceptions... hmmmmm... read better than that in the Chinese....

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

Pizza, that is a GOOD, a very good expression for that movie.

//It's dreadful, though. I mean, she even hugs the Emperor!!!! And walks out alive!!!//

I know, but the funny part is that by Chinese movie cliche she is dead already:
Her hair is down i.e. not tied up, and her clothes are RoL.
And shouldn't she or at least Shang have died for her being in the amry in the first place?

Do you want me to randomly rant on to amuse you?

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

She's soooooo dead.

Quite apart from anything else, isn't cutting one's hair a sin against one's ancestors? People killed themselves when their queues were cut off at the end of the Qing Dynasty.

Not to mention Dragon!Jar Jar Binks.... ouch ouch ouch it's all coming back to me now...

Rant away! It sounds like a lot of fun.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

Why would she have to cut her hair to begin with? Men had long hair, too, back then.

- her name is mu lan, not moo lawn
- she cannot have porcelain skin, porcelain was not invented till ~960 AD
- did you notice that she sticks her chopssticks into the rice, i.e. standing up... she better not be eating that rice... or the ancestors will have a word
- crickets have SIX legs not four
- why does mr. ancestor have a scepter? was a king?
- why does mushu have neither 3 or four toes... is he half a royal dragon?
- what are the Huns doing in China? or, pray tell, has someone mistranslated Xiongnu
- why does the 'wall' look like badaling?
- why do the Chinese have white (arab) horses?
- why do the Chinese have better horses than the Mongols and why do the Chinese have stirups (and the Mongols do not) when the Mongols invented them?
- why do Tang dynasty clothes wearing soldiers wear terracotta warrior army shoes .. those shoes are quality man, 700+ years and still good.
- that rocket has modern characters on it.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

- her name is mu lan, not moo lawn

Don't you love the way Hollywood mispronounces foreign words even when they don't have to?

- did you notice that she sticks her chopssticks into the rice, i.e. standing up... she better not be eating that rice... or the ancestors will have a word

That gives me the creeps too - but I'm not convinced it's universal - in Guizhou where I used to live, nobody seems to care - apart from me who'd had the brainwashing on the subject before I arrived...

- why does mr. ancestor have a scepter? was a king?

And why does he have to have such a bloody stupid name? Show a bit of respect people - these are ancestors?

- why does mushu have neither 3 or four toes... is he half a royal dragon?

I'm curious now - how many toes does he have then?

- what are the Huns doing in China? or, pray tell, has someone mistranslated Xiongnu

As in Atilla the, perhaps? I'm pretty sure I've seen Xiongnu translated in that way - and I'm sure the Disney types would rather have gargled broken glass than attempted to pronounce anything with an X in it...

- why does the 'wall' look like badaling?

A Disneyland version of the Great Wall - what do you expect?

- why do the Chinese have white (arab) horses?
- why do the Chinese have better horses than the Mongols and why do the Chinese have stirups (and the Mongols do not) when the Mongols invented them?
- why do Tang dynasty clothes wearing soldiers wear terracotta warrior army shoes .. those shoes are quality man, 700+ years and still good.

Good questions all - I failed to pick up on this - but SERIOUS flaws. If more were needed...

- that rocket has modern characters on it.

OH HONESTLY. There's no excuse for that sort of thing. And Communist style writing to boot.... arrrrrrggggghhhh!

Well sporked. Very well sporked.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

- why does mushu have neither 3 or four toes... is he half a royal dragon?

I'm curious now - how many toes does he have then?

three on the front paws, two on his feet

*goes to hug an emperor*

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Not many toes at all, in other words. Do you suppose he was involved in an accident of some kind?

*goes to hug an emperor*

If you must, you must I suppose.

And then run for your life!

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

Attlia should have been dead for roughly 200 years at the point of the Tang dynasty, too. Unless he has an Horcrux.

NOOO go away evil plot bunny ;-)

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

NOOO go away evil plot bunny ;-)

I sympathise. I still keep telling myself that a fic in which Hagrid goes after the lost Eagle of the Ninth (Roman) Legion with a butterly net and a bag of Owl Treats is a really, really bad idea...

*beats off rabid plot bunny with a stick*

they are not plotbunnies, they are tripples!

[the-reda.livejournal.com]

//Hagrid goes after the lost Eagle of the Ninth (Roman) Legion with a butterly net and a bag of Owl Treats//

why? If they have Lucius, they can have Hagrid, too!
And Lucius is even blond.


NOOOOOOOO

the reda has watched too much "rome' recently....

Re: they are not plotbunnies, they are tripples!

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

He was on "Rome", was he? I don't own a TV, so it's difficult to say.

I can't see much of a role for Lucius in this story - unless possibly as raw material for Owl Treats...

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

You could have Winnie The Pooh and Christopher Robin join him.
*grins in a sweet yet evil way*

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

You could have Winnie The Pooh and Christopher Robin join him.

*reaches for huge club with spikes*

Not on my watch you don't - can't stand Winnie the Pooh. Or Christopher Robin. Sorry.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Mulan

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

OMGWTFBBQ!!!eleventyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!
u awful winnie basher....iH8 u.
(not seriously, of course, but you're the only person I kow sho doesn't like Winnie the Pooh. What's wrong with him?)
*is wondering why people bother with netspeak, since it's so difficult to type*

No icon can describe the awfulness of Winne the Pooh

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Well... it's down to personal taste. And I'll agree that there's something slightly inconsitent about being a massive Potter fan in my 30s but hating Pooh - to a lot of people I know there is no difference at all.

But that aside, I find Winnie-the-pooh sickly sweet, pointless, cutesy and also I dislike books that are sending a twee, clever-clever message to the adult readership over the heads of the child audience, who remain baffled.

It's not childhood for children, it's childhood for adults - and childhood lite.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Winne the Pooh

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

And I'll agree that there's something slightly inconsitent about being a massive Potter fan in my 30s but hating Pooh - to a lot of people I know there is no difference at all.
I swear the idea didn't cross my mind. You're perfectly allowed not to like Winnie The Pooh.
I once read about the philosophy of Winnie the Pooh, and honestly, if I hadn't, I would only have seen the nonsensical story of a stupid, honey-crazed, loveable teddy bear and his friends. And as I've completely forgotten what the philosophical message of Winnie the Pooh is (only that Eyoore may or may not be an existentialist), the adult message still goes over my head. So I enjoy it, just like any other 5 year-old.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Winne the Pooh

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

The funny thing is, I didn't like it as a child. I was both bored and baffled!

Though that may not be indicative of anything. I was a very strange small child.

Re: No icon can describe the awfulness of Winne the Pooh

[dreamer-marie.livejournal.com]

Ah, well, we all have different taste. I had a burning passion for the countess of Ségur, and God knows when I picked it up again as an adult I wondered how I could ever have been infatuated with such sickening stuff. I wonder why my parents weren't disturbed by it and worried for me: it's XIXth century education at its most manicheistic, sugar-sweet and violent (parents beating the crap out of their children was perfectly OK). So there's no accounting for taste, I guess.

[rj-anderson.livejournal.com]

Montana would do you nicely, I think. Or at least Montana has the traditional association with ranches and wide-open spaces. And bison.

I was going to say Dennis Creevey for the snubbing, but you've already got Colin. Heaven knows why, but I adore Dennis Creevey. I hope JKR doesn't kill him.

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Montana sounds good - very un-British and all the things I need will be there. Thanks!

Dennis would do just as well as Colin - I can fit him in instead - lose the camera and add short stature and a Rune dictionary...

[ignipes.livejournal.com]

Montana or Wyoming if you want lots of space and bison. Montana is bigger, but Wyoming is more empty.

And some characters...Alicia Spinnet and Katie Bell.

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

I love the names of both states - so very American and - yes - empty sounding.

I'll get at least one in, and try for both - at present the snub either would do is the same. But if I can think of a second snub I'll get them both in.

[bardsong.livejournal.com]

Eh, it's probably a bit too late to give you anything new as far as the canon characters, but I'd recommend western Kansas. Or Nebraska. I dunno about the bison, but there's lots of space, and they have plenty of regular cattle. :P

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

That's definitely the kind of thing I'm looking for.

Choices, choices...

[snorkackcatcher]

Can't help with the wide open spaces in America (and as regards Mulan, I initially got annoyed by the Americanisation of everything but eventually just shrugged and watched it on its own terms, quite fun) but as for Blaise-snubbers, how about Doris Crockford the multiple-Harry-handshaker from the Leaky Cauldron in Book 1?

[dolorous-ett.livejournal.com]

Doris Crockford would work - she'd make a smashing Battling Granny.

As to Mulan - I agree, it's not meant to be a scholarly text. And to be fair, I can't stand Disney cartoons under any circumstances. But it's lazy, and fake - to the point where it's really hard for me at least to put up with it. Mercifully it's unlikely someone will force me to watch it again (that said, I've had to teach a book I really hate twice in the last week... ouch).